grace full ness, what is it ?
leaving the baggage behind, letting go uv the superflous within our own bodies?
or grabbing a bag, packing sum items, and going? moving with as little as needed? using the least amount of effort to do an action.
i remember being instructed in a movement class to pick up a stick and walk around the room, see what that does to the slavish inability to stand up with pride and grace, as naturally all flowers do.
think uv the smiling sunflower in the middle uv a burnt orange field. which way does it face? towards the son, the sun, god yes even the flowers are aware ( and if we believe the intelligence uv our precious spinal chord is not as miraculous and divine as the stem uv a flower, hmmmmm)
to face the world, must we muscle our way thru? can we not just lift our heads solely with the knowledge uv the sun, and hello to our natural way of being gracefull precious precious abundant fields uv fiore (flowers in italian).
oh good grace
if it was personified as an animal, is it a rat in the rat race, scurring from corner to corner, for scraps uv cheese? or a bird soaring high above fully seeing, fully aware of what is above and below, infront uv and behind.
in old relationships we are given the opportunity to learn how to shed our old coat, so that we can evolve from head in the sand reptile to bird who wants to soar free and fly.
(i fly to tuscany, via london, and am elephant between bird’s eyes, time squished between the past and future but… i can see)
we are squirling thru the forest, her and i, a dear friend, old and precious as the leather hand bag that holds my personal belongings, we, discussing these matters, and how facebook sometimes makes us feel awful, looking at others pictures, her fear of the "oh look at her clothes" or "wow shes gotten fat".
hmmm, i listen, and understand. sometimes i believe her and i are like a mirror, or a circuit, where energy can flow and flower thru and return like the flash uv a smile. if our conversation had a voice it would be saying "stay good my dear because u keep me good get it? u flower, i bloom, and the smell on the breeze is sweet but when i see ur pure milky soul turn sour, it makes me feel sick. understand? " uv course not, for i have never spoken this poetically honest to her.
today we are learning about each others nessecary steps to grow. to grow up. keep talking. u and i have a lot to confront and find the front uv.
thru the backings.
so were walking thru the back uv the forest, and she speaks about people who have overcome cancer thru having the support, the backing uv luved ones, we realize how much good prayers and positive thoughts we send one another, actually do affect us. "there have been studies!" she proclaims. patients heal when they believe they are supported backed up by something greater: this thing called love.
the honest kind. not how something looks- or the appearance of a relationship. but the kind that pushes ur buttons. the confrontational kind uv luv. u know the kind i am talking about- we all have mothers! ( and their luv is stronger than anything i know)
but throughout my life, i have been non confrontational. i believed that to go with the flow meant to accept. what i had not realized, (clearly a buddhist in training) ( yes also a catholic) was that i have avoided accepting the truth uv my feelings, and finding the courage to speak it.
i suddenly realize
accepting what is, and changing it, is completely different than accepting what is and
letting it stay the same. presenting a new perspective, confronting someone with ur truth on the matter all in acceptance, will allow change. if grace is flying bird, a seer, the opportunity to kindly see and say, will bring more luv to a relationship. it takes a huge amount uv luv to say to someone what u really feel.
yet, we hold back.
we pretend we are small, or that the other person, is not big enough to handle what it is we are going to say.
we think it will be earth-shattering to tell our friends what we really feel, to let carla know she is too opinionated, and does not let others talk. what does happen is that carla never learns to listen because her friends are too shy and lack the required capacity uv audacity.
in an excersise i did in a clown class created to make us laugh our pants off, a dear friend uv mine was asked to sing about something she felt deeply ashamed uv. she could barely get the words out as she revealed that she had kissed her best friend's boyfriend. sitting in the audience laughing because it was funny to see her sqeamishly apologetic i thought to myself "wow she is really ashamed uv herself and this happened how many years ago?". as i spoke to her about this after class, i realized i too had memories that had made me feel awful when i was a teenager, but that i had simply forgotten about it, or had i?
i decide to tell a long time best friend, guess what this really pissed me off… remember when we were 15… , at this age, i was too scared to tell her that it hurt me. instead, i suppose i dug a deep little place and put it there, to forget about it, or had i really?
adult i am now! i realize that this is a moment in time, i have let go uv sum baggage. in th past, i simply would have not spoken and easily brushed it off.
yes let us brush things off-
immediatley this is what happens when u speak it.
the elephant in the room, we discover, was actually a small fly that came buzzing to give us the opportunity to listen, and then grow. haaaa and i luv u more. who?
u and i.
this thing called luv, it has a front and a back. luv is (con) meaning in italian (with) frontational (front) with front, shows face, shows emotion, honesty and innoncence is this. look a child in the eyes, they will not ever lie to u about how they feel.
might we, (ascended adults) have courage to listen, look and feel like children, who undoubtedly know the world is here to love and hold them in their fears and challenges – that they can run and cry to their parents and be hugged and loved. as we grow up, so must our family, and know we can always run not only to a parent, but to the big mother and father, and uv course, one another!
is there someone today we can take the courage to say what is really on our minds? and be luved for it? how might this small action, change the course uv tomorw and tomorw? does
each step, each attempt at honesty and luv, bring us closer or farther away from the grace uv good,
the grace uv a flying bird, the allseer god in the sky?
i posture, speak what wants to be said, and witness a little part
the wind blows in my hair, my shoulders drop, and the baggage lightens
all growing up