i am writing for u, I do not know who u are, but you popped up above my head and my whole body is trembling to reach u. to let what is light towards the light, to relax the weight downwards; let my body cascade like heavy violet velvet curtains.
physically, my hands kneed dough, and my spiritually the rosalina (yes the second mouth) is asking for more; a deep yearning down in the center of a dark black ocean moving in the deepest part uv my belly; an energy force yearning to assist the seat of my spirit to widen, roll out like dough, beckon the sea to spread. its saying ” lets feel the deepest relaxation on a physical level, which is TRUST on a spiritual level so that what is beyond can begin to shine through”.
a week ago, it started raining suddenly and i got drenched on my bi-cycle. i spent the following day in bed crying feeling in the sub-concious i was working on what parts of my being were still controlled by the ego.
i wrote about a conciousness that speaks and commands nature, like Queen Titania’s powers in Shakespeare’s “MidSummers Night Dream.” the wind did pull the sun back up the next morning, and i woke up bright eyed and looking, searching, seeking, singing at the sky.
i spent the day in the most beautiful garden in the world. lucky to be living right next to the villa stilbert, where i have never seen such splendor. in this giagantic garden full of different kinds uv trees, celestial statues of goddesses, windy paths leading to stone steps, full uv nooks, and round abouts- my deeper yearning for moon, for the mysterious feminine, for the sacred garden, felt satisfied by an inner response from my own male energy.
what a blesssing to wake up that morning waiting for the sun to come up. What came up was energy i only know as my own conciousness all encompassing but sits right above my head.
it is hear, watching everything i do, say, feel, its watching me in complete love in complete support in open arms waiting for my return. i feel so loved and so beautiful. i am scared to look up at it. what if i send it away? my body instantly responds, arching my thorasic spine upwards to recieve the jeweled necklace of the spangling dangling branches uv an innocent tree. i am listening to jeff buckley singing, ” true self is what brought you here to me”. i lower my head between my wide opened legs. I am seated on a mossy rock in a ballet/yoga position or also an ancient childbirthing position; nothing is falling out everything instead is falling down and springing back up!
it feels wonderful.
there is a light above my head and is singing to me telling me how beautiful, sensual, glorious, genius it is to pay attention to it, to watch it watch me, and
LOVE LOVE LOVE
with a pen in hand,
me and u in our entirety in our broken pieces, there is perfection.
with you, i will never stop breathing . i will let everything die away before my breathe becomes shallow and shoved down. No. I am aware what power is on top of me, filling me filling me filling me with incredible clarity and strength.
i am rocking in your arms and you are breathing into me. i love you so much and thank you for remembering.
i will never forget. now, i do not look sideways, there is only a clear path upwards.
there are no distractions.
everything is meant for you, going towards you. no easy pitfalls, the men with black gloves can imprison bodies, this one has grown in grace.
“where you shut your soul, i will open for you” sings jeff buckley. “we will feel the weight fall away”
i was gifted a pen today from a butcher and for christmas four empty journals.
mama mia, grazie.