on my first day of teaching, i am presented with a child who is terrified of leaving his mother to join my class. the fear is real for him. he is screaming i dont want to leave “mamm”. his entire body is tensed up, his hands are in tight fists and his eyes look like he is afraid he is about to die.
we are in a sunny room, where the rest of the children are playing with each other totally oblivious of this child’s reality.
i tell the mom come in and stay with us for a bit, and he relaxes immediately and joins the kids. she goes for a coffee and suddenly the fear comes over him again. ” mama mama. how long can she be taking to drink coffee. she is not coming back for me”.
i had to give him my cell phone to calm him down and say that the class would be finished at this time and she would be returning etc.
what moved me so deeply was to see a child in total fear of abandonment without any actual evidence . really the fear was just an illusion creating a sensation of paranoia that kept him far away from being present with the other children and with me and what he could be learning if he was not feeling so fearful of being abandoned.
i am meditating on this energy and some questions arise? what would it be like for example, if adults began to give love to lots of children rather than just their own. would children learn that their parents are not their only source of love and nourishment?
would children learn to also be more loving to other children?
is it possible that this child is so attached to his mother because he is fearfull there is no one else that would love him the same way?
this makes me also want to stay with my mom and not adventure out into the world and learn new things…
as in my last post, i came to terms with that little child in me fearing abandonment, i can only empathise with these emotions. i am also called to meditate and ask how we can create environments where this illusion can be transformed into more avenues of love, more roads of trees and parks, more moms caring for children other than their own, less smothering, more mothering… and then of course a HUGE QUESTION that has been haunting me in a deep, profound, sacred way… where is the Divine Mother in this World. We have all abandonded HER. The human race is afraid and making choices out of fear… acting as if we have been abandoned by our mothers… She is love, eternal love and nurture, creation and destruction, the sacred female is asking, begging me to know her…