here now

happy solstice birthing;  longest day uv the year; a strange beautiful week;  accents of italian opera; tickets to la traviata;  gorgeous soprano voices cleaning my ear drums; mopping; swaying back and forth on the seat at teatro communale; cleaning from the inside;  guitar lessons, voice lessons, feldenkrais creations and baptizing myself inside out.

italians have an uncanny instinctual perception around cleanliness ;  maybe its cause we come from not so long ago a time where women gathered together to scrub each other’s laundry; make what was dirty be clean again.

in university, there was alot talk around the christian creation that god is cleanliness and therefore our society is pretty screwed up around this natural act and we are obsessed with being clean because of the guilt created through the punitive function of the church.

i understand;  there has been far too much chemical throwing on the floors we walk on and far too hot water on the clothes we wear…  eek bacteria wash your hands, u might catch something!

cleaning is a part of life and i feel it is sacred.  laundry time is time where life is renewed and often an internal changing of things; a shifting of perceptions and order created through the caring act of washing washing hands in water.

the last few evenings i had  the greatest washings of my life.  totally unexpected, tickets to hear verdi’s la traviata wash my ear drums with sound so sweet; yesterday evening i arrived at the coast with a few friends from Now is Now (yes) to be bathed in black sea.

WE IMPROVISE, invite the irrational and leave late in the evening to arrive at 10 oclock p.m. to the slapping sheets of unexpectedly warm water.

black sky, black sea, and our flesh ready for the back and forth movement of the waves dancing our bodies.  we throw on our costumes and like a little girl i began to leap through the air, throw my arms up and MARVEL at what was in front of me;

the sea the infinite abundant eternal sea swishing and swaying and sweeping and cleaning my soul in this moment. i grab my friend’s hand; my heart is melting;  my body is instantly dissolving into the sand and waves;  i immediately feel i am letting go of some laundry; i am letting go letting go. we go deeper into the waves.  it is total darkness except from light of a boat docked.  we are laughing and laughing there is no way to describe the laughter is spontaneously bubbling out of our empty bellies;

the waves like hands tickling and tantalizing our very essence to come mix with what the sea speaks : spirit in form;  emotion in motion; the irational reason; the non reason we are here; the ease  the sea the ease the sea the easy sea.  the easy sea speaks. simple.

so we laugh and sigh and begin to dance;  i allow the waves to move me as one hand connects to the other; we are 3 souls moving and dancing with eachother and with the sea and my heart wants to cry;  they are more beautiful than any art, video, life i have EVER seen.  i feel and see together the beauty; the two are intertwined;  the feeling and the seeing are mixed;  there is no outside aesthetic value without the inside crying and whispering gently, “yes” “yes” “yes.” it is pure joy; pure celebration of life:  on my birthday!!

we run out dry ourselves and i let myself be quietly and distantly held.  i tuck my head between my arms because it is cold now with the wind ripping through the air… but this tucking position brings me into a strange feeling;  there is fear i am letting go of;  there is some internal violence that is playing out; i dig my feet into the sand; i ALLOW the fear to be.  i witness that i am safe and yet there is a past experience moving through me.  i am gently held as if an angel is present;  as if the universe conspired for this moment to be.  i knew this birthday would be strange. there would be shifting;  i did not know it would be so actual; i did not know that the shifting of sand, the sea, and the moving presence of my colleagues would harmonize to create this internal healing of something i do not even know what it is.

as i move out of this magical miracle of care, suddenly there are fireworks in the sky;  REALLY. come on, enough.  who managed this one?  i wrap my towel around my head; i feel like madonna ( not the one live in concert, the madddonnnna) dona woman and begin to skip forward like a rock skipped 4 times wow lucky!  the night dissolves into a glass of wine , couscous with olives, farro with tomatoes , peaches and a black with one part violet sky full of little stars;  i am blessed.

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2 thoughts on “here now

  1. Wow. What a beautiful journey. I love traveling with you, through the swirling highs and lows of joy and fear and back to peaceful bliss. What a glorious way to start my day!!

  2. luv u cara! u and i connect in these euphoric places we arrive when our conciousness allows it; INVITING IT ALL. THANKU for following and sharing my beautiful journey; luv u 🙂

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